The evening started on a very chavvy note.

God, the 26th already? Terrifying. The time is going by so quickly and I can't believe that I haven't blogged for nearly a week now! Bad, bad, bad.

Anyway, have a had/am still having a great weekend. I came back to Bristol on Friday night and went to see Ian's new house. And very nice it is too. We went out to eat, then shopping on Saturday and out for James' birthday on Saturday night. It was such a good night. We went to a club night called Lipstick on your Collar which was music by only girl singers. Perfect. Oh, but the evening started on a very chavvy note. I have no idea why, but James decided to meet everyone in The Berkely, a Wetherspoons in town which was full of pram faces and ugly, nasty people who all looked the same. Not good. But after that things got a lot better and everyone had a great night. I was quite drunk by the time we got back to Ian's and went past a car that had been broken into and asked, slurring, 'Is that mine?' despite it being a different colour and make. And on the other side of the road. I think I just have a heightened sense of paranoia about such things after my car was violated last year. I had sympathy for the person. I say 'had' as opposed to 'have' because last night they terrifed m by putting masking tape where the window had been. The noise was horrible, like someone was getting their whole body bound up.

Right, I'm back at my parents now and have to go and get Nan X for lunch. So will write more tomorrow. Oh, and Britney's looking in a bad way. That was a sour note of the weekend.

xx

If it's not I'll tremble with panic and probably wet myself a bit.

God, nearly a week has gone by now and I haven't been blogging. Lazy, lazy, lazy. Anyway, I've actually been really busy actually (deliberate use of two 'acuallys' to emphasise) what with working on that feature on social anxiety disorder and putting together loads of work for my novel which, at long last, is starting to take shape and today my tutor seemed a lot more impressed by the structure etc.

So, the weekend was nice. I went to help Frea move house for a bit, then out to a burlesque evening which was good but the music was harrowing and getting to the bar took forever so I left kind of early and woke up in Sunday feeling surprisingly chipper. Hurrah!

So that's that for the moment. I'm in a rush to get home because I have a horrible feeling that I may have lost my wallet. It wouldn't be the first time. It wasn't in my bag this morning so I'm hoping that it's on my desk/bed/floor/makeshift wardrobe. If it's not I'll tremble with panic and probably wet myself a bit.

Whoopo!

xx

It didn't act like a sadist playing cruel hot/cold/scalding games with me.

There's a girl opposite me in the library who is probably the most irritating creature I have ever been near. She's even worse than the girl I couldn't stand a few months ago. Awful. She's reading everything that she's reading from the screen out loud and she's so annoying. She just picked up the monitor to hug it. I can't bear it much longer.

Anyway, bar this moronic girl, the day has been pretty good. I went to the gym bright and breezy this morning and had my first shower in the changing rooms. It was actually nicer than the shower in my house, meaning it didn't act like a sadist playing cruel hot/cold/scalding games with me.

Then went to a course meeting and have done the tiniest amount of work on my novel and ran some errands.

Oh, my housemate's luck has gone from bad to worse. I spoke to my other housemate yesterday and she was telling me that the annoying one had gone home because of all that had happened to her car. On her way back here she lost her phone on the train. It just goes from bad to worse. Some woman from Virgin trains called this morning and I had no idea what she was talking about. I then text my housemate to let her know that this woman had called, forgetting that obviously she wouldn't have her phone. Oops.

Anyway, off I go. Well, I'm just going upstairs to read the papers and wait for Jenny. She's coming round to have takeaway tonight since we are both dateless on Valentines. Sob. I hope I have a card on the mat when I get home...

xx

I feel like some sort of action figure that the elastic's gone in. Not nice.

So, today was my long day. Started at 9am and finished at 4pm. I know it doesn't sound that long and it's no longer than a paid working day, but taking so much in in rooms with no windows takes its toll. I felt like I had no air all day so refused a lift home from the bar with Frea so I can walk back in the very fresh and wet air. Anyway, today was great. I am feeling a lot more confident about my novel idea having spoken to the others about where they are at in terms of words and ideas and it seems we are all pretty much in the same semi-comatose state of fear.

It was funny, today I saw this girl in a really nice skirt but a horrible, nasty top. She could have looked really nice had she chosen something else to wear instead but didn't. It made me think about when you know someone who has something wrong with them like bad breath or body odour. I never say anything if someone suffers from something like that, when I probably should; for their sakes and everyone else's. I wonder if that's being over polite or not polite enough. Whenever I feel like I reek after a night out I always make sure I tell everyone, 'I smell awful, I haven't been home/woke up when I should have been here/lost all sense of time.' I would rather people knew that I knew that I smelt bad than have them talking about it behind my back as if I didn't know. Does that make sense? I think so.

Anyway, so tonight I am Frea bound to watch Legally Blonde. The people on the TV course have to watch it because it follows this story structure that we have learnt perfectly. I'm just going along for a jolly! I think it's for the best. Plus, I have had such a mind blasting day today that I know I won't get too much done at home. I want to get some research done into selling short stories and also, I want to write a column for a magazine so I need to look into that. I'm really desperate to get stuff published soon and have been giving myself a hard time about my time management since handing my work in last month. I feel as if I have been a bit slack but, in my defence, I have been doing a lot of reading. Also, I am trying to get myself into a new routine of getting up earlier and having a full day and going to the gym more. Though saying that I went yesterday and I think I might have pushed myself too hard because I can't stretch my arms out straight. That's a bit worrying. I feel like some sort of action figure that the elastic's gone in. Not nice.

Bit anxious at the moment about my housemate. As anxious as you can be about someone you're not too keen on anyway. The last time I saw her was on Thursday I think and my other housemate hasn't seen her since Saturday and she was meant to be in class yesterday. But she always does this, disappears for about five days then comes back and says, 'Oh, sorry I meant to leave a note.' I don't think we have anything to worry about but it might be nice if she let us know what she was doing so we didn't have to think about it. Still, she had a shitty week last week. She was driving to her shift at the radio station and her car came off the road. She called the police and they told her to leave the car where it was, because the roads were so icy. So she did. In the morning they called her to say that the car had been broken into and all her stuff had been stolen. Not good. But it doesn't make me like her anymore. I know that makes me sound awful but you have to bear in mind that this is the girl who can't hold a conversation about anything but herself, never does anything in the house to help out, can't wash up, wakes me up in the mornings storming down the house with lead legs and often forgets to lock the front door. And those are her good points. No, I'm joking (only about the last bit). She's hard work.

It's so weird, I can normally find something in everyone that I like and can usually get on with most people. But with her, I literally find myself gritting my teeth when she's talking. I can't stand it. Everything has to come back to her and how hard her life is. It's like, 'I'm not interested, go away or get drunk.'

Anyway, enough of that. I think I needed to get it off my chest. So, on that note I'm heading home.

xx

Karma came round and pushed me in the mud with a smug look on its face.

Well, another weekend flew by and was in parts productive and in parts very drunk. So that's good. I managed to get that feature on morals finished and emailed across but struggled with it to be honest. I think it's because it's a different writing voice to fiction which I have mostly been writing recently.

Anyway, so on Friday I went out for my friend Ryan's birthday which was a nice evening. APART FROM, when I was walking home I was running very late. There's a short cut down the campus which is a muddy, steep slope. I never, I repeat NEVER usually use this route because I KNOW that I will slip and end up caked in mud. But, needs must so I walked down and slipped a bit so, to compensate, I did that sort of jog thing when you stumble. Then seconds later I was flat on my back in the mud with wet in my sleeves and up my back. I did that thing where you look around really quickly to check no-one saw and then carried on my way. Luckily no-one did see. But I'm sure many saw my mud stained trousers and bag on my shame soaked trek home. On my way back I called my friend Moira because about six years ago when we were studying our undergrad course, a similar thing happened to her and I couldn't stop laughing at her misfortune. We were walking past our friend Amy's room in halls and were calling her name. Moira started walking up a muddy bank shouting, 'Amy! Amy! Amy!' and then fell face first in the mud. I laughed and laughed. But now I have had my comeupance. Karma came round and pushed me in the mud with a smug look on its face. Hmph.


But it doesn't end there! I got home and thought, 'Well, I should rinse the clothes before I throw them into the washing machine,' so lent over the bath to wash them off. Our shower/bath is one of those with a lever to differentiate between the two. So, in my hurry, I turned on the tap quickly and ended up with my head soaked from the shower. It was like a Mr Bean sketch. Horrible and not funny in the 90s, let alone now in 2007. Still, I saw the funny side which I think you have to in situations like this else you'd never leave the house.

So after Friday I spent Saturday doing a bit of work and reading books and then went to a panto in the pub at the Seven Stars down the road. It was Jack and the Beanstalk and was really good fun. The West Country Golden Goose was particularly amazing. We ended up getting locked in and not leaving until 2am. I woke up with a mouth as dry as sand and then lay in bed watching my DVD of the Royle Family (this was the less productive part of the weekend) before forcing myself out of bed and struggling with my feature.

So that's that. Just come out of the gym and am really pleased with myself because I pushed myself a little harder and have set myself new goals.

Right, now I'm going to head into town with Frea and then home to get something to eat.

xx

'Are our morals slipping?'

Well, today has been educational so far to say the least. I have been researching a feature, 'Are our morals slipping?' focusing on the scavengers at Branscombe beach earlier in the year. I didn't realise until recently that some of the goods in the containers belonged to individuals. I'd thought that they were retail stock. Not that that makes the theft of them any better. Anyway, I found on the BBC website that there was a woman who saw her belongings being stolen on the beach. This made me wonder why the people who were taking any of the things thought that their actions were any different to stealing from a shop because, in essence, the two actions aren't very far apart. So today I have been looking at books about group psychology and the need to own material items. It's interesting and I'm enjoying it but I don't have long to get the piece written so I'm going to head home soonish and start the actual writing.

Right, on that note, off I go. Will write again soon.

xx

Go and tell someone else before I poke you in the eye with a stick.

Ah, today is the first day I have been able to sit down properly and plot my novel. And it feels good for having everything loosely in place. I'm really excited about getting it started properly and now need to decide on chapters and chapter length. I think since a standard novel is about 260-300 pages, I will have about 15-20 chapters, so the next thing I need to do is break all the action into chapters and go from there.

The only difficulty I am having at the moment though is deciding how it should be written. I might have mentioned this before, but I think I want the main character to be written in first person and the other characters in third person. I think it's going to be a process of trial and error.

Anyway, aside from the novel, today has been pretty good; I found out why I have been frozen to near death in my room: the fucking window doesn't close properly. So I get a silent but deadly draft through my room making my fingers freeze and my will to live slip out of the door. So I did what anyone would do and jammed a towel into the sides of the window and hoped for the best.

As I was leaving to come up to campus my housemate came home and started telling me about a really bizarre dream she'd been having last night. Now, I know I'm not the most tolerant of people, but hearing people's dreams makes me want to run a cheese grater up my face. I HATE IT. It's the detail that people go into: 'I was running down a long purple, no, red corridor and this dragon, no, snake was running after me and I jumped through a hole in the floor and saw a massive duck.' Ugh, I hate it. It's so annoying and long winded and there's nothing you can say other than, 'Oh, I wonder what that means,' while grinning inanely. I would rate dream dictation as one of my top three annoying things that people do, close to those people who ask, 'Are you in the queue?' when you blatantly are. So, if you had a dream last night, go and tell someone else before I poke you in the eye with a stick. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

So, there we go, best to get that off my chest as soon as possible. I can't believe that it's six already. I don't know where the time is going. Ridiculous.

Have a nice weekend ahead. Going out for Ryan's birthday tonight and working on novel and a feature about morals and the lack of them tomorrow and then my friend, Perham is arriving on Sunday which should be good.

Anyway, I'm off for the time being and will write again tomorrow.

Oh, looking over what I've just written, I've realised I keep typing 'anwyay' instead of 'anyway.' I wonder what that can mean.

xx

I'm too hungry to think at the moment.

Hurrah!

I had marks back today from the three modules of last term and got two distinctions and one high pass so I'm really pleased. It's encouraging having good feedback and I'm glad my hard work paid off.

Went to see Derrek's play, Gilgamash, last night. Didn't really understand what was going on but it was nice to see.

Anyway, for the moment, that's it and I'll write again later. I'm too hungry to think at the moment.

I shouldn't really worry too much.

Oh my God, what a long day. I started at 9am with my novel course, had lunch from 12.30pm till 1pm, then started my feature writing from 1pm till 4pm. Naturally I had a few drinks after with Frea and Andy and am now sitting in the library.

I'm really excited about getting into my novel but, after hearing other people's ideas, am a bit anxious that my story doesn't have much going on. But the stories that scared me in this respect are in different genres (mainly thrillers) so I shouldn't really worry too much.

Anyway, going to do some research on comas, what fun. So will write again tomorrow. Very enamoured with the courses I have chosen and looking forward to developing my ideas.

xx

DESPITE THERE BEING ABOUT 40 EMPTY SEATS

Ah, what a great weekend! First of all, let me talk about the film that I went to see on Friday - London to Brighton. I had been meaning to see this film since it came out at the end of last year, but kept missing it. So it was a good job the Arts Centre is a little slower in picking things up. It's a story about a prostitute who goes on the run from her pimp with a 12 year old girl and it was just fantastic. I'm not very good at describing things as well as they deserve, but I encourage everyone to go and see it. But it's very intense and my heart was in my mouth from the beginning till the end. Great film. The only bad thing, completely removed from the actual film, was the fact that some loon decided that DESPITE THERE BEING ABOUT 40 EMPTY SEATS he would sit right next to me. I moved in protest. I hate when people do that. It's so annoying.

Also, on the subjecy of this film, my cousin worked on the make-up. She told me that she hasn't been paid because the film hasn't done very well. Obviously, she was aware of this arrangement before she started the job, but it's so frustrating that a film as high quality and as gripping as London to Brighton hasn't done well. What annoys me about this is the fact that despite the film being completely shocking and upsetting, it didn't get any of the publicity that films such as Hard Candy and Hostel did; these films are based entirely on shock value and don't warrant the hype they receive. I think it's kind of a shame that we don't back British films with the vigour we do their American counterparts. Right, rant over...

Anyway, so I came home after the cinema and read my book for a bit, then met Joe on Saturday to find a gift for Oz, Frea's nine year old son whose birthday part we were headed to. We went halves on a Gameboy game for him which he loved and gave us both a hug for, which was sweet.

His party was fantastic! There were about seven kids and five adults and we all played pass the parcel, musical chairs and, for the closer, pinata. It was so much fun and jut took me back to when I would have parties like that. We even all got a party bag at the end! Fantastic!

Anyway, then I stayed round with Frea and Andy and we drank and watced some TV before going out for Sunday lunch with David and his brother on Sunday. A really nice weekend and I managed to get 5000 words of my novel done which I'm pleased with. Still leaves me with 5000 to do tonight, but that's all okay.

Anyway, I'm heading home now to carry on with that and will write more tomorrow.

xx

'Right or wrong? Should homosexuals be excluded from the boy scouts?'

Now, I don't know why I did it but I thought it might be interesting to see what the BNP's take was on the recent 'race row' of Big Brother. Also, I think it's good to keep up to date with a range of views. Anyway, I went onto their website and their message board and found that they were annoyed about the three being labelled racist and questioned why Jermaine Jackson's 'white trash' comment hadn't been flagged in interview. Which is maybe a good point. However, after reading this, you have to wonder about the sanity of these people:

'The data indicate, therefore, that a homosexual foster parent is at least 16-30 times more likely to sexually abuse an adopted child than a 'straight' foster parent.

That is why the BNP must resolutely oppose 'gay' adoption. It isn't 'gay' for the children concerned.'

I'll have to explain that this came after a survey into gay parenting by a website in America called Family Research which, on its front page, advertises the book 'Right or wrong? Should homosexuals be excluded from the boy scouts?' The book was published 'on the basis that homosexuals pose a danger to Scouts.' So, obviously, any data that this website has should certainly be trusted. The editors clearly have no fundamentalist values at all, do they?

It's scary that this is kind of crap still exists and that people feel such fervour in their prejudice and hate.

A friend of mine saw a programme the other week about the guy that left the nail bombs in Soho, one of which was in a gay bar in Old Compton Street. The psychiatrist on the programme spoke at length about how the man had been bullied by his family who teased him by calling him gay from an early age which arguably led to his hate of homosexuality. While his behaviour and motives are clearly inexcusable and he'd proven to have mental health problems, this isolation and bullying created gay men as monsters in his mind.

This is an extreme case, but it just goes to show that the seed of hate can grow and grow. What would happen to the mind of a Scout who found himself shunned from a part of his lifestyle because of his sexuality? I don't know, perhaps he would be fine, but then again, perhaps not. Such exclusion is nothing more than bullying but disguised, often, in wrongly interpreted religion.

But, check out the website http://www.familyresearchinst.org/Default.aspx?tabid=145

It needs to be seen to be believed.

Anyway, enough for now. I need to get on with this novel. It's going in the right direction but it's taking its time...

xx