Like an old lady after a couple of sherrys.

I woke up at 5.30am this morning with a sense of dread in every bone of my body. It was horrible. Everything that I thought was going well with my novel suddenly seemed completely wrong and now I've pretty much changed back to the original idea which places the husband and wife characters at the centre of the story, which makes a lot more sense as this is where the majority of the conflict lies. This probably doesn't make much sense to anyone, but I just wanted to get it down for my own reference. I feel like I've reached another landmark with this project. But last night, God, I thought I'd never get to sleep, my mind was just working overtime thinking of how I could steer the story back on track. And now I feel I may have done. So that's good. Hurrah!

So, aside from that, my housemate, Antje, left yesterday which was really sad. I'm going to miss her a lot and probably won't see her now for months, if I'm still here in Falmouth when she comes back, that is. We'll see what happens. But she's on Facebook now so I'll keep up with her antics on there I guess.

The weekend went by so quickly, yet again. I went to the sea shanty festival on Friday night, which was a really nice Cornwall thing to go to. I didn't sing along much (at all) but I smiled a lot, so that makes up for it I think. On Saturday I went to Truro to do some shopping and get out of my house for a couple of hours, then ended up going out in the evening, ending up at a house party of people I didn't know clutching a child's umbrella and falling asleep on their sofa. I don't know what's happened to me in regards to that. I never used to fall asleep when I was drunk but now I do it all the time, like an old lady after a couple of sherrys.

So that's that for today. I'm going home now to get on with some work.

xx

I've just learnt that no matter how many weights you can lift, it's no excuse to sing along to Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne.

I don't know why they do it, but in the gym all the men with tiny legs and massive upper halves go around in pairs on the weight machines and I've just learnt that no matter how many weights you can lift, it's no excuse to sing along to Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne. And that is that.

I was just witness to some massive man finish his 100 reps on one of the machines, then watch his friend do the same while singing along 'Hey, Hey, You, You, I don't like your girlfriend.' And he knew the words. Even the bit in the middle, which is quite impressive. But also a bit weird. He didn't do the dance though. :(

So, other than that, everything's going along pretty well. I spent yesterday hard at work and met my 2,000 word limit and am about to go back and get on with some more. I want to get a first draft of the first chapter from the three points of view across to my supervisor this weekend as I haven't been in contact with him yet and am feeling a little behind. But in terms of the actual work, I'm feeling pretty positive and keep having pangs of excitement. These are followed by stabs of dread, but it can't all be rosy, can it? No, no.

Hmm, I'm a bit anxious that I keep having the 'biting my teeth out of my head' dream. I had it again the other night and apparently it signifies the death of something, which can't be good. I told Ian I had it again, and he said he hoped what happened to his Gran would happen to me. What happened to his Gran? Well, she had really bad headaches and went to the doctors and/or dentists and they told her, 'It's probably your teeth,' (which is quite a random thing to blame in the first place) and then suggested she have her teeth out. So out teeth went. But she still had the headaches. Isn't that sick? I think I can put up with the dream if that's the option. I quite like being able to eat apples, see. And you can't do that without teeth. In fact, there's probably a very long list of things you can't eat sans dents but I won't go into that now. It's only tempting fate.

So, that's today's entry. I can't think that I have anything else to write now, so am going to head home and delve into my novel.

xx

'Why did you do this to me sun?'

Me and that sun are going to be having words if it carries on the way it has been. Saturday, and there it was, all shiny and nice, luring me away from the computer KNOWING FULL WELL I HAD A 2000 WORD LIMIT TO MEET. So I shook my head at the orange globe, 'No, sun, I will not fall pray to your tricks. Let me be, I will join you tomorrow.'

And then I sat in my room forcing myself to do work, thinking 'Oh well, tomorrow I can get the paper and sit on the beach for a while in the sun.'

But no, the sun doesn't like that. I woke up on Sunday and the sky was grey with cloud, the sun hiding behind and only peeking out every so often like the tease it is. Still, I thought if I got myself together and went down to the beach, it might make an appearance in its flirty way. So off I went, blanket to lie on and all. And it came out for a while but the wind was more noticeable, blowing the paper around and getting on my nerves. I shook my fist at the sun. 'Why did you do this to me sun?' I asked.

I'm still waiting for a reply. But I've learnt to take advantage of the good weather while I can. It may not last.

xx

Overdue.

Christ. The 14th of May? Is that really when I last blogged? I can't believe it. How much has changed. The sun's come out for a start and I'm finally 100% happy with where my novel is going. I think it's going to be a good summer. Well, so long as I stick to the timetable I've drawn up and therefore can enjoy some guiltfree time on the beach.

Anyway, what has happened since the 14th? That fateful last posting. Was I temporarily left paralysed by a potion handed to me by a witch doctor? Had I forgotten how to blog? (Maybe). Had I had my finger tips bitten off by vile crows? No, no, and no! I simply fled Cornwall for Bristol for a week off. As if a week off exists with something like a novel. But I came back completely refreshed and ready, for about the third time, to start from scratch. It felt good to finally say, 'No, this isn't working,' to the previous drafts I had written, and to begin again. I've decided on three narratives going from gay man, to wife, to husband, and have drawn up their character journeys and arcs, which has given me a) a lot more structure and b) a lot more confidence in completing a first draft. I'm feeling great about the whole thing now, especially after today in the sun at Sara's for our new weekly novel session. Each of us has about 45 minutes in which to have sections of our work we want feedback on read aloud by someone else, then focus on firstly the good, then the bad elements of the work. It's really useful, particularly to hear someone else reading. And you can sit in the garden and tan while you do it. Oh, and watch grubby, slutty dogs try and sit on each other's faces. How better to spend a summers afternoon?

So, yes, as I mentioned, I went back to Bristol for a week. It was lovely to see everyone. Ian's had a tough time of it though. All set for getting a cat, he went and met several of the feline world, all prepared for one of them to become his. The choices were wittled down to two before he discovered he's allergic to cats, cue 'What a catastrophe' 'That's not purrfect' 'He's not feline good.' It was horrible. We ended up going to casualty on the Saturday because he was so worried that the reaction hadn't calmed down. The woman at the counter of the hospital was reassuring though, commenting on the puffiness of his eyes with:

'You looks like a panda.'

Nice. Thanks for that. Still, all's well now, but cats are not for me to touch when I'm with him from now on. Unless I'm feeling particularly malicious. Or catty. Whoop!

So, other than that, the Bristol jaunt also included seeing two fantastic films: Jindabyne and The Lives of Others, and spending some time with my parents. It was great to see them before they went away to Holland (they arrived today - all well and good). I was glad to have gone back really because it meant I came back a lot more refreshed and completely ready to get on with the task ahead of me.

Right, so on that note, I'm going to head off and will write again soon (ish).

xx