Sex Slaves from Hell.

So far today I've been involved in discussions about life and death, adultery, murder and penetrating machines. And it's still only 12.25pm. That's a lot of subjects to cover in such a small space of time.

The reason for the majority of these seemingly bizarre topics of conversation is down to my class this morning. We were all asked to write a play involving two characters meeting the structure we have learnt - rhetoric writing. Everyone wrote quite emotional pieces so by the end we all felt a bit drained. It was like Ricky Lake, it was that issue ridden. We then went to lunch and a friend told us all about a programme she had seen in which women were using machines to have sex with. These machines sound pretty impressive - different sizes, speeds, shapes, colours. Something for everyone. So if Christmas present ideas are lacking then maybe give a machine a thought for the one you love. But remember, it's not just for Christmas.

Aside from that, the weekend was really good. As I mentioned, I had a couple of friends to visit from Bristol which was really nice. We went to the pub on Friday night and were locked in with the locals (deliberately) and spent time chatting to the landlord. He was a really nice guy actually, and was telling us to return Saturday night because the Sex Slaves from Hell were playing.

'The girl,' he said, 'is really good on the violin.'
'Oh,' we responded. I don't think any of us associated violins with sex slaves from hell, but maybe that's our prejudices getting the best of us. Who knows.

Anyway, we staggered home late to drunkenly eat pate on toast before the three of us fell asleep in my double bed. It was surprisingly comfortable but I did wake up feeling as if I'd used every muscle in my body to keep me from falling off. Then on Saturday we went to the Seal Sanctuary which at £10 a head was pretty expensive. It was a nice day though but I did feel the seals could have made a bit more effort. I understand they've been through some trauma. Haven't we all? But I didn't see one balancing a ball on his nose. That's a poor show in my book. I didn't ask for a refund though; I figured it would probably be bad karma.

So then Saturday night I cooked dinner for 6 which was nice. I stuck to my tried and tested formula of fajitas and everyone seemed to enjoy them. No negative comments and limited retching, so that was good. The meal was enhanced by the inclusion of a centre piece my friend brought round. Having told him there was nothing he could bring other than himself, he proved me wrong with a stunning ceramic horse bookend. The other half of the set is being held hostage by another friend so I'll be working on his rescue during the year.

On Saturday night we went out in Falmouth which was really good but ended in a bit of a state. After drinking probably my own body weight, we got a taxi home. The taxi stopped in a one way street and we fannied around trying to find money. When we got out the car behind honked their horn and shouted something (the occupants, not the car). My friend stupidly gave them the finger at which point some hard faced hag stepped out of the passenger seat and shouted something like, 'You wanna start something?' I was sick and then we ran away.

That's a stupid question though isn't it - 'Do you wanna start something?' I'm sure no one ever answers. I think I should find out what the correct response is in case I ever am faced with the quandary again.

And on that note, goodbye.


xx